The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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