well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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