YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She even gives head with a lisp.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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