AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
