I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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