just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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