are you still at the devil's house?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
