I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
your room smells of hookers.
And success
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
