So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
