Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
