I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Randomize
