Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
