This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
