Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
