4 words: hood of his car
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
