I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
