We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
