I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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