She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
why does every cop we meet know your name?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
