If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
