bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
