you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize