oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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