Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
