i think my tv is drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
