I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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