Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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