How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This house was built for laser tag.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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