Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
