It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize