so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Alive.
So much puke
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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