i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize