he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
