would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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