I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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