i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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