Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
