i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
