Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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