How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
