I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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