Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
