There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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