just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
