Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
