My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
