His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
