Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Semen is not good for contacts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
