Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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