woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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