I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
