weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize