ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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