i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
