So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
