Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
