The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
