Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
