it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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