I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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