I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
