so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
